Holiday time is here, and ‘tis the season for group outings, shared gifts, and carpooling rideshares. But with all the fun often comes shared bills, which can turn a fun evening into sour grapes, especially if money makes you awkward. Want to improve your money manners? Keep reading to see some common situations and how to handle the finances without fighting.
Class gifts
During the holidays, we often want to show our appreciation for friends, family, and other influential people in our lives, like a teacher, with a gift. And sometimes, it seems easier to go all-in on a group gift from the whole class. But what do you do if the shared cost is still out of your budget? The best thing to do is to thank the person for including you but politely decline contributing as you already had a gift or plan. It’s okay to say no, and you may not be the only parent unable to contribute.
Splitting the tab
Going out with friends can be the highlight of a rough week. But what do you do to ensure you’re not stuck with one big bill? Be proactive and let both your friends and the server know you’re wanting separate checks. Some restaurants have moved to QR codes for menus and payments, which can allow you to easily split the bill or cover your costs. Transparency in situations like this is helpful and respectful for all parties involved.
Skipping the invite
Throughout the year, we’re often invited to celebrate with our friends, and the invitations can pick up during the holidays. Whether it’s a destination wedding or a Michelin-level dinner, it’s exciting to be invited, but sometimes these events just aren’t in your budget.
The best thing to do is be upfront that it’s not feasible for you right now and potentially express an alternative. Let’s say you’re invited to an out-of-town bachelor or bachelorette party that you can’t afford. First, express your gratitude for being invited, before then proposing an alternative that’s more aligned with your financial goals like a night out together in your city. Or, if a gift feels more appropriate, sending something to acknowledge the occasion can be a great and affordable way to join in the celebration.
It can feel awkward saying no and honestly, sometimes it’s not fun missing out. But providing an alternative that fits your budget can help you avoid the FOMO and allow you to say yes more in the future.
Group getaways
If you managed to save for that group trip, get ready for a bunch of shared expenses.
The key to successfully traveling as a group is clear communication and a budget. Discuss your expectations before anything is booked so you can make sure you’re all on the same page. Some people prefer to travel more luxuriously or splurge on experiences rather than accommodations. Set a clear personal budget, define your priorities, and then determine what expenses will be shared and how to split them. It can be helpful to designate a point person to manage trip logistics, but only if everyone agrees, or use an app like Splitwise to keep track of expenses.
Another rule of thumb is to make people feel comfortable opting out of activities. Group trips can be fun but not everyone may want to participate in every activity, and that’s okay! Sometimes a quiet evening to regroup can help keep the trip on track and help individuals better regulate their spending and energy.
Pay it back
Sometimes having one check is just unavoidable, and tools like Pay a Person and Venmo have made requesting and sending money easy. When requesting money, be sure to do so promptly and include a description to ensure the recipient knows exactly what they’re paying for. It’s also good to discuss ahead of time how much you’re requesting and that the amount is fair. Don’t wait weeks to request money, unless the date has been prearranged.
Uncomfortable questions
There’s something about large group events that inevitably lead to awkward questions. Nosy relatives or that friend-of-a-friend want to know about your new job, new car, or that last vacation, and the underlying subtext is: how much money?
If someone is asking about a specific experience or restaurant abroad, you may feel comfortable sharing the cost and whether you enjoyed the experience or not—especially if you had an exceptionally noteworthy time. However, some questions are not only invasive, but also flat out rude. If someone asks how you’re able to afford something, an easy way to evade the details is to simply say it was worth the investment. Then keep the conversation moving with a quick subject switch. Most people will take the hint you’re not interested in discussing specifics. If they keep pushing, you should directly express your boundary and tell them you’re not comfortable sharing that information. Unless you share a joint bank account with this person, you have every right keep your financial details private.
Bottom line
Splitting bills can cause tension but hopefully these tips help you navigate common financial situations and how to have good money manners. It might feel rude to say no to group gifts or sharing financial details, but overall, honesty is the best policy, and good financial habits now can lead to more opportunities for fun down the road. Do you have any money manners you live by? Drop them in the comments below!
