Why should you have a money date night?
Regularly reviewing your finances is a great habit, regardless of your relationship status. But, as a couple, it’s important to ensure you’re on the same page regarding spending and saving. Having money dates is a great way to look at your finances and encourage communication and transparency. It also helps prevent financial issues from accumulating—you can look at your spending, see where you need to cut back, and find out what you can improve together.
Steps for a successful financial date
Don’t go into your money date blindly. Your time is valuable, so make the most of it by walking into it with a plan so you have an efficient and productive session. Following these seven steps can help you kickstart a successful financial date night:
1. Set the mood
You’re about to have a serious conversation. Start on the right foot by choosing a relaxing, comfortable, and distraction-free environment, whether it’s in your living room with your phones put away or at a quiet coffee shop. Make sure you have some grub, too! Let’s face it—no one wants to talk about money, especially on an empty stomach (getting hangry is real). Grab takeout from your favorite restaurant (if it fits within your budget, of course), or cook a meal together before you sit down.
2. Lay some ground rules
Money can be a touchy subject and is often one of the biggest disagreements couples have. Set some rules before your discussion that you’ll both follow. Respect is key. Everyone makes mistakes, so avoid judgment and pointing fingers at one another—it’ll only cause you to argue more. Don’t dwell on what your partner spent and where they spent it, either. Instead, look forward and try to focus on solutions and see how you can do better next time.
3. Create an agenda
Choose one or two topics to cover so you don’t get off track. Think about what’s relevant in your life. It could be anything from your current budget or upcoming expenses, like a vacation or remodel, to retirement planning or debt. Allot time to cover each topic so it gets the attention it deserves. Some topics may be more extensive conversations than others. For example, if your budget is on track but you still want to review it together, you may only want to dedicate 15 minutes and allow more time to discuss your retirement planning. It’s all about what works for you!
4. Be transparent and honest (and listen up!)
This is your time to be upfront with your partner. Come prepared to share all relevant information, like any big-ticket purchases that may have impacted your budget, and print out your account balances so you can review your income, debt, and spending habits. Don’t try to hide anything from each other.
Listen actively when your partner is speaking. Be fully present and wait for them to finish before responding. On that note, don’t just listen to respond—listen to understand where they’re coming from. Avoid blame and judgment, and don’t use absolutes such as, “You always,” “You never,” or “Every time.” Use “I feel” statements, instead.
Below are some examples of active vs. passive listening in the context of a money date:
Active vs. Passive Listening |
|
|---|---|
| Active Listening | Passive Listening |
| Making eye contact and putting away distractions (e.g., phone, TV) | Nodding occasionally but checking your phone or multitasking |
| Paraphrasing what your partner says to confirm you’re understanding (“So you’re saying you’d like to save more money for travel this year?”) | Responding with short phrases like “Okay” or “Got it” without elaborating |
| Asking open-ended questions to dive deeper (“What would reaching that savings goal mean for you?”) | Not asking follow-up questions or quickly changing the subject |
| Acknowledging emotions and validating concerns (“I can see why that expense made you anxious.”) | Dismissing concerns with responses like “It’s not a big deal” or “Don’t worry about it” |
| Summarizing key points before making decisions together | Forgetting details of what was discussed and making assumptions later |
5. Discuss financial goals
Talk about your shared long-term goals—what you want to accomplish, why you want to accomplish them, and how you’ll achieve them together. Include as much detail as possible, and set realistic expectations. Use the SMART formula (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timebound) to develop your goal.
Here’s how you’d use the SMART formula to set a financial goal of saving for a down payment on a house:
- Specific: We want to save $20,000 for a down payment on a house.
- Measurable: We’ll save $500 per month by setting up an automatic transfer to a dedicated savings account.
- Achievable: We’ll adjust our budget by lowering our discretionary expenses, like going out to eat, to make room for this goal.
- Relevant: Owning a home is important to us, and this savings goal aligns with our long-term financial plans.
- Timebound: We’ll reach our $20,000 goal in 40 months (around 3 years and 4 months).
6. Make an action plan
Decide on what steps you’ll take together based on your conversation, and bring solutions to the table. It could be anything from mutually agreeing to lower your dining out spending by only eating out once per week or building your emergency fund by opening a joint high-yield savings account and setting up automatic transfers from your paychecks. Whatever it is, be sure it’s something you both agree on and are willing to put in whatever work necessary to achieve it together.
7. End on a high note and schedule your next money date
End the night positively and reflect on your wins, big or small. It’ll help reinforce positive financial habits and strengthen your relationship. You can celebrate financial wins, like agreeing on a plan to tackle debt faster; communication wins, like listening to each other without judgment; or relationship wins, like finding a compromise on a big financial decision.
Make it a habit to regularly review your finances, whether that’s weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. Pick whatever works for your schedule so it’s something you’ll stick to and enjoy! You can even add a recurring date on each other’s calendars so you don’t have any excuses to skip out.
Bottom line
Money dates aren’t just about dollars and cents—they’re about strengthening your relationship by fostering trust, transparency, and teamwork. By setting aside time for open and honest financial conversations, you and your partner can align on goals, reduce stress, and celebrate progress together. Even small steps, like actively listening and acknowledging each other’s perspectives can make a big difference. The key is consistency: regular money dates can help you build a strong financial foundation and a more connected partnership.
Did you and your partner follow these tips on your money date? Let us know in the comments how it went!
Love the idea; will be trying it in the future!
Anderson — We’re happy to hear that! We hope these tips will help give you a great head start.